Being thankful in the mess.
We woke up early. Before our alarms even went off, because of that little kid kind of excitement when you know it's going to be a really good day. We curled up on the couch to watch the Macy's Day parade with pumpkin pie for breakfast before we stuffed a turkey for the very first time, letting YouTube show us how. We cooked and drank and ate and C let me spend an unreasonable amount of time creating a tablescape. He gets me.
The windows were open because it was 72 degrees and sunny, and Frank Sinatra echoed from the record player when football wasn't on. I burned the sweet potatoes but we ate them anyways, and I don't think Christian felt more manly than when he was carving the turkey as the "Man of the Family," he kept saying with his cheesy smile, the one that brings out his dimples.
Just the two of us. Sweet and beautiful and wonderful and peaceful. And I had almost successfully avoided the creeping in of the heartache that comes with holidays when your family is broken. Until the sun began to set and I realized that I wasn't going to get that phone call from someone who should have cared. And all of the fullness from the great day, and encouraging text messages and face times were wrongly tainted. Because he didn't even remember me, and that is all my unhealed wounds could focus on.
And so here it is again. That juxtaposition which has become oh so familiar to me. The sweetest season of my life in marriage with a man who loves unconditionally, and the reality of a family that has fallen apart with no place to come up for air.
So I put my head down. My nose into the only words that bring life.
Because He's promised to be near. "Praise the Lord! How good to sing praises to our God! How delightful and how fitting! The Lord is rebuilding Jerusalem and bringing the exiles back to Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!" (Psalm 147:1-5).
- The Lord is bringing my exiled heart back into the safety of His arms. - He is healing my brokenness and covering my wounds. - He understands the conflicts of my soul because He made me. - So I praise Him, until my feelings align with His truth.
And so I can laugh when I think about making C pull the gross stuff out of the turkey. And when we watch our video we can miss this day. And I can appreciate our table setting like it's my straight up job, because gosh darn I loved it.
I have MUCH to be thankful for. And I can be thankful in the mess. In Jesus' name. Amen amen amen.